Spiritus

The Mercenary Motives of the Prosperity Gospel

2011-09-24T19:00:00.002-05:00

There was once a woman who married a very powerful, influential man. This man loved her with all his heart, even though she held no status or money herself. After a few years, she began to get frustrated and disillusioned. When he asked her what was wrong, she replied, "Don't you love me?" He replied, "Of course I do!" She cried, "Then why haven't you given me more money? Why haven't you gotten my boss to give me a promotion? Why am I stuck driving an older, used car?" Taken aback, the man replied, "I've given you a house, food, transportation... everything you need to live your life." She shook her head and said, "No... I want more. I want more money, power, recognition... if you truly loved me, you'd give me these things. I thought that was why you married me!"

When put into this context, I imagine that most everyone reading this is probably a bit disgusted with the woman's behavior. Such is the behavior of those subscribing to the Prosperity (or "Health & Wealth") gospel. It is the behavior of a mercenary.

But we all instinctively know that if a relationship is truly based on love, then the reward for pursuing your spouse IS your spouse. We have a modern-day, pop culture term for people who pursue someone for more than just themselves: "Gold diggers."

Christ did not die to give you treasures that most & rust destroy. He died to give you Himself.

Not Every Hindrance is Sinful

2011-09-17T20:45:00.003-05:00

Hebrews 12:1 - "Therefore... let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely..."

Not every hindrance is inherently sinful. Indeed, the enemy is often most able to hold us down with things that we consider harmless. This is why everything has to go ("sell everything and follow Me"), not just things that are inherently sinful. These things can be especially dangerous, because unlike blatant sin, we believe that we're OK, or that it's even helpful. What we don't see is how we take it to excess, or how God has been trying to get us to surrender it completely, but we tell ourselves, "there's nothing wrong with X". We are hindered and the hindrance is fully justified in our minds because we are focused on ourselves, not God.

We must guard against these things, because the hardest cancer to heal is the one that we don't believe is cancer.

On Numerical Growth in Churches

2011-07-18T17:40:00.001-05:00

Let's say that there was a great invasion happening, and in the midst of the invasion, you are introduced to the general of the defending army. Let's say you asked him how the battle was going, and he replied, "Well, we're getting more and more new recruits, so we must be doing something right." Wouldn't you be a bit confused at his answer? What does the number of recruits have to do with how it's going on the battlefield? What does it have to do with whether or not the general is making the right decisions?

Is this not a close analogy to the priority we've put on numerical growth within the church? Indeed, numerical growth and maintenance is not only a priority in most churches in western culture, but it has become a gauge of victory. We consider our churches successful if they are growing or large in numbers, and we consider it a failure if it starts shrinking.

But when we turn to Scripture, this doesn't seem to be a priority for God. Let me give you two examples:

John 6:60-71 - To a church leader that thinks numbers are important, this ought to be a confusing passage. When the multitude starts grumbling about how Christ's teachings are hard to understand, does Jesus try to placate them or "keep the peace", as it were? No. He effectively (and almost literally) turns and says, "You think THAT was offensive? Well wait until you hear this...." He then watches as all but Twelve turn away from following Him. In our typical church, this sort of behavior would be scolded as inciting and divisive. But Christ is not concerned with the multitude... He is concerned with the small number of truly dedicated believers.

Revelation Ch. 2-3 - This is where the Lord addresses the seven churches, which many think are symbols of various states of Christianity in the world. But whatever the case, the seven churches are commended or warned of impending doom based on their actions. Their numerical size is not mentioned even once in the two chapters. God doesn't seem to concerned with their size, but with their actions.

Indeed, God doesn't care about the size of a group, but its heart and actions. It doesn't matter how many people are in your church: what is it doing? Your church's numerical growth is not a sign of success, any more than the rate of recruitment in an army is a sign of victory on the battlefield. In the same way, we can be encouraged that the shrinking of numbers in a church does not necessarily mean that it is failing or doing anything wrong... indeed, it may even be a sign that it is doing the right thing (such as in John). The church was created for a purpose, and we must ask ourselves if we are, as a church, fulfilling that purpose, not simply growing in numbers.

God is passionately concerned with a church's obedience and heart, not with its popularity as an institution.

PS - I do not mean to paint a cold, heartless image of the church. We ought to mourn those who leave, and rejoice with those who stay, but our priority MUST be obedience to His word at whatever cost. Far too often we hold back from leading people toward full obedience out of fear that they will not like it, or will even abandon us altogether. Preaching what people want to hear, or in the way they want to hear it, is not loving them, nor is it merciful. Indeed, withholding God's truth or refusing to lead them in His perfect way is, perhaps, the most merciless thing you can do to someone. It is akin to a shepherd who will not take his sheep through an unpleasant and rocky path to escape a pack of wolves.

Our Insatiable Appetite For The New & Exciting

2011-07-02T21:00:00.002-05:00

I have long struggled with a certain aspect of my personality. I enjoy new things tremendously. New music, new styles, new technology, new movies, the ever-changing aspect of my job... I love them all, and get bored with things all too easily. I am fully aware of the downfalls of such a personality, and the dangers of shallowness that it carries with it. I am not defending it, per sei.

But as I thought about this trait, and how it is prevalent (to varying degrees) in every single human being, I began to think that perhaps this is not merely because of the Fall, but is part of His design for us.

My reasoning goes something like this: we were created to enjoy God, and God is infinitely interesting, giving us new revelations of Himself for all eternity. Therefore, in order to enjoy an infinitely interesting being, we were created to have an infinite appetite for new and exciting things (Him).

It is the Fall that twisted us. In our sinful natures, we turned our voracious appetite to fashion, inventions, possessions, and people. But in the end (usually sooner than later), we are bored with whatever new thing draws our attention. This is because we are attempting to satisfy an infinite hunger with finite things. Fashion, gadgetry, new friends, new hobbies.... none of these things can satisfy because they are all limited, and we were not ultimately created to enjoy limited things.

I think this is why Solomon lamented in Ecclesiastes, "There is nothing new under the sun." In the modern day, he could have had a new car every single day, a new woman every night, a new set of clothes for every meal, and a new song written for him every time he wanted new music. But in the end, he was only disappointed, disillusioned, and bored... none of it could satisfy his never-ending hunger.

Indeed, even the finite things we truly enjoy, we enjoy them because of what they say about God. I enjoy my wife because of what marriage says about our relationship to God, just as we enjoy a wedding ring because of what it symbolizes, or the smell of food because of what it means to our hunger.

And so if we are to truly enjoy any finite thing, we must treat it as it is: a passing smell that causes us to think about food. Thus, we can learn how to praise an infinite God with finite things, and learn how to let them go. There is nothing wrong with enjoying the smell of food, but it would be ridiculous to choose the smell over the food.

Side Note: This also further confirms the untrustworthiness of the "Prosperity gospel". We should never trust someone who demeans Christ's work, saying or implying that He died so that we could have the mere smell of food.

How Does The Armor of God Protect a Marriage?

2011-06-25T19:42:00.004-05:00

Ephesians 6:10-12 - "Finally, be strong in the Lord and in the strength of His might. Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the schemes of the devil. For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places."

Something I can almost perpetually guilty of is forgetting about the fact that our marriage is taking place in the middle of a massive war, and that everything that happens within our marriage is part of that war, helping either the enemy or our King. And my forgetfulness only contributes to the enemy's ability to turn my thoughts toward myself, thus damaging my marriage every day.

Make no mistake. When a marriage is focused on itself, it is the devil's playground.

The enemy will always, always be working tirelessly to bend your thoughts and heart toward yourself. It was the first sin, and it is what Lucifer is concerned with: his own desires and self. So whenever a spouse is concerned first with themselves, the enemy's job is easy, if not done. Some marriages... many marriages... are so self-focused that I'm afraid the enemy need not do very much at all to keep it steadily heading away from each other and God.

But covenant love spurs us to put on the armor of God within our marriage. When we forgive, it is a blow to all the enemy's efforts to divide us and spur resentment. When we are patient, it thwarts the enemy's efforts to keep us a small step away from anger and inflicting pain. When we are thankful for the trials in our marriage, we disarm the enemy in all his efforts to use them for his purposes. When we rejoice in the truth, we are protected from his lies.

That passage (1 Corinthians 13:4-7)... that same one we see cross-stitched next to cute animals on arts & crafts, and see quoted in Christian romances, and see written in cursive on various feminine accessories... is actually a list of brutally effective weapons in the fight to defend our marriage. They are battle commands, and you are fully enabled to carry them out by wearing the Armor of God.

The Armor of God, though it protects you, is not worn selfishly. It is taken up in the manner that a father might take up a gun to stop an invader in the night from reaching his children. It is in this manner that we must dedicate ourselves to wearing it in order to protect our marriage from the purposes of the enemy, and even from ourselves. How does it do this? Here are a few examples:

The Breastplate of Righteousness. A breastplate's primary function is to protect your heart. What the enemy doesn't want you to see is that following God with everything you have is the greatest protection your heart can have. We often do things within our marriage to protect ourselves from hurt, but following God and loving your spouse wholly without reservation is a realm protected by God. If you love the Lord with all your heart, what can man do?

The Shield of Faith. Our faith in God's control and sovereignty protects us from so much. When we feel discouraged about our spouse's behavior, our faith in God gives us hope. When we want to yell and scream, taking a moment to remember that He is in control and it is all happening according to His will may stop you from sinning any further and causing more damage. When your spouse does the absolute worse thing they could possibly do toward you, it is your faith in God that will enable you to trust in His sovereignty, healing, and give you a heart of forgiveness. Nothing but faith can do any of these things.

The Sword of the Spirit. The degree to which we can spiritually protect our marriage from the enemy and drive him away is in direct correlation with our knowledge and heart for Scripture. It is what enables us to overthrow lies, realize what's important, keep our eyes on Christ and remember what He's done for us, and tread our way through the darkest of times without permanent damage. Like in Psalm 1, your marriage's health and strength is based on how deeply rooted it is in Scripture (side note: If you engage in marital activities before you are married, what will hold you together? Your foundation of strength changes from the protection of being in His will to the degree of which you are benefiting from the relationship. When your relationship starts to become unpleasant and less beneficial to you, your commitment waivers and eventually collapses, and is often fully justified in your mind all along.)

The Sandals of the Gospel. We are not married for marriage's sake. We are married as part of His plan to share His love and truth with the world. Think about it. If both spouses are fully focused on the Gospel and spreading it, they are focused outward and upward, not inward. It is focusing inward that builds resentment and inflates insignificant things into real problems. A Gospel-focused couple will even find that they love and forgive each other more.
A practical example of this might be a husband forgiving his wife for forgetting to remove trash from his car because the presence of trash in his car does not hinder the spread of the Gospel or the furtherance of the Kingdom. He is more forgiving because he realizes they are at war, and perhaps those pieces of trash are not crucial to the victory or defeat of the Kingdom. Perhaps if he's irritated at something as small as this, his priorities are just a little out of line (not that this is a real-life example or anything...).

These are just a few of the ways the Armor of God is necessary for marriage. The true applications are infinite. Husbands and wives must learn how to take up arms and defend each other, not themselves. This is what Christ did for us: He gave Himself up totally in order to protect us, forgive us, and bring hope to the world. Our marriage's success or failure is wholly dependent on the degree to which we make this our priority as well.

What Has Marriage Been Replaced With? (Part 1)

2011-06-12T18:06:00.004-05:00

Lately I have begun to see the world wondering why anyone would get married. They say, "The divorce rate is getting higher and higher... why would we even bother?" The result of this attitude is an increasing habit of moving in together before marriage.

Let me tell you what I've realized. Paul told us that marriage is a model of Christ & the church. Christ saved us "while we were still sinners." He didn't enter a relationship and make a covenant with us based on merit, and he doesn't keep it because of how we serve or worship Him. He simply did it because He is love.

In the same way, marriage is a covenant love that is maintained by the seriousness of the covenant itself... the commitment to unconditional love, that other relationships do not have. It's what marriage is: a covenant to love each other no matter what... not because they love you back, but because you've committed to love them no matter what.

Therefore, marriage, as a covenant, is based on grace and mercy. It was designed to reflect Christ's unwavering, all-forgiving love for us... love that never stops, and never fluctuates no matter how far we fall. Marriage, therefore, is based on a covenant... not based on being in love, or romance, or some moral ideal... it is based on the grace and mercy of the covenant between you. This covenant offers a protection you will not find anywhere else.

Let me ask you: when you move in with your significant other, why not just marry them first?
To test things out? To see if you can live together, or are "sexually compatible"?
Just in case?

But let me ask you this, then: why would it not work out? Why would you break up? Obviously, the only reason it would not work out is sin. You break up because they won't listen, or because of unfaithfulness, or lies, or foolishness, or selfishness, or any number of things that ultimately boil down to sin. You keep one foot out because you're fearful that one day they'll do something or reach a point that is just too sinful to deal with... or you will eventually do something to drive them away.

But a relationship based on a Godly covenant protects against abandonment. It protects you in mercy, in forgiveness, in grace. They continue to sin, but you have committed to them. See, the other way is ultimately selfish: if it gets unbearable, you can just leave, whereas a covenant would compel you to rely on Christ for the strength to remain with them, no matter what. The thing you do to protect yourself leaves you more open to harm. You've been sold a bill of goods... you've been sold a Styrofoam shield and been told it would reflect arrows and swords. Covenant love leaves you more freedom to be who you truly are, because without it you might finally do the one thing (or long culmination of many things) that drives them away, or vice versa.

At this point many might say that we see the same thing happening within marriages, so what's the difference?

The difference is in what you're pursuing. I'll continue this thought in the next post.

Where is Our Joy? (Part 1)

2010-01-16T17:03:00.003-06:00

There are many times in our lives when our happiness and service to God seem at odds with each other. We often struggle with sin because our desires (and so, by default, our happiness) is at stake, and I think our internal struggle often looks something like: "Do I do what I want to do, what will make me happy, or do I do what I know He wants me to do?" Surely the enemy works hard to put our decisions in these sorts of terms, as he can then easily emphasize how good the alternative to serving God looks, and simultaneously make it seem like choosing to serve God is dry, empty, sacrificial, unpleasant, and generally no fun at all.

But the problem is that the above question betrays a truth about ourselves: we do not really believe God is concerned with our joy. We tend to think that we must sacrifice our happiness most of the time if we wish to please Him.

Now surely this is true in some sense, but for the sake of these thoughts and clarity in communication, I must take a moment to define some terms. For the sake of my explanation, I mean by "Happiness": a temporal, temporary state of emotion; by "Joy" I mean: something deeper, something felt by our immortal spirit, something that does not change from moment to moment... something more eternal.

Now it is my contention that God is the source of all joy (1). He is to joy what the Sun is to sunlight, and we cannot have sunlight without the Sun. If this is true, then sin is what shades us from the sun, like an umbrella, a tent, a building, or even a deep cave. The enemy is simply working hard to convince us that we would rather be in the shade, and that there we will be happy (and certainly there is appeal, for in full sunlight our very nature is exposed completely), while God is calling to us all the while, saying "This is not what you truly desire, for you are like a flower that requires constant sunlight."

And it is true. A tropical flower will thrive best in constant sunlight, and the less sunlight it receives, the less healthy it will be, until it eventually dies from deprivation.

This truth has struck me like a bullet in the chest. God is not only concerned with our joy, but focused on it, for we are designed to need Him as a tropical flower needs the sun, and He is thus glorified by us finding our joy in Him and pursuing that joy. He is concerned primarily with His glory, and our joy comes from glorifying Him. God's will and our joy are not at odds... they are the same thing.

So even though He has called us to sacrifice our lives in service to Him, we will find that serving Him relentlessly, loving Him passionately, and enjoying Him fully will be what allows us to truly come alive.

(1). Psalm 43:4, Philip. 4:4, Luke 6:22-23, 1 Thess. 1:6, Gal. 5:22

Overthrowing Twitter

2009-10-13T22:53:00.001-05:00

Twitter seems to be the new trend in online social networking. I keep hearing about it left and right, and almost every artist, celebrity, organization, ministry, church, restaurant, company, co-worker, neighbor, neighbor's pet, and homeless person has an account and tweets daily.

Now the purpose of Twitter as I have come to understand it is this: to update your "followers" throughout the day on events in your life, emotions felt, flat tires achieved, meals eaten, links visited, videos watched, aches felt, sicknesses experienced, dishes washed, clothing laundered, songs listened to, political opinions had, thoughts thought, pains felt, breathes taken, and bowel-movements achieved. As far as I can tell, Twitter is for the most part a detailed, self-perpetuated news-ticker on every mundane detail of our lives.

At least that is how most people use it.

Now, I'm not going to condemn people who use it like that... but I have to ask, is that really what God wants us to do with it?

For years my close friends and I have been wrestling with the question, "If every single detail of my life were dedicated to glorifying God, what would my life look like?" So I asked myself: "If I were to make a Twitter account in order to glorify God, what would that look like?" In fact, we are told in Ephesians 5:15-17 to make the best use of our time in order to please Him... so how can I use Twitter in a way that is not a complete waste of time?

Now I don't claim to have figured it out, but here's my theory:

I think Twitter would be an excellent tool for believers to encourage each other to stay their mind on Christ throughout the day, because:
1.) We all struggle with keeping our mind on God throughout the day, and
2.) Most of us check our Facebook/MySpace/Twitter at least daily, so the stage is set.

So what if we only posted thoughts, Scripture, quotes, prayers, prayer requests, revelations, and things God is doing with us? I know I would be encouraged throughout the day knowing that my brothers and sisters are thinking about God. This is a way the Body of Christ could be building each other up and feeding each other spiritually, even if we only see each other once or twice a week... or year... or decade!

Anyone interested in joining me in my little quest?

@shadowglo

ps... If you so feel compelled to join me, you can set up an account at twitter.com, and it's pretty easy.

pss... If you were tagged in this note, it wasn't random, I just thought you might find this of interest!

pppssssssss.... I know "overthrowing" is perhaps a poor choice of wording to describe what I'm actually trying to do, but overthrowing just sounds so much more revolutionary than "using in a manner that's different than the average user".

Of Tears and Scripture

2008-06-12T00:46:00.004-05:00

Below is a blog I posted long ago on MySpace, but was reminded of it recently, as it seems to be extremely appropriate considering the last few days in my life, and some of its truth speaks to me out of the past even now as I re-read it.

___________________________

God pulled me into a journey this week, and I have to admit it was not one of those times where I was excited about what He was doing. It was challenging, it was hard, and it drained me more than I realized. But then He brought me to this passage:

Psalm 126:5-6 - "May those who sow in tears reap with shouts of joy! He that goes forth weeping, bearing the seed for sowing, shall come home with shouts of joy, bringing his sheaves with him."

What does this mean? I had read this passage before and honestly didn't absorb it too much. But now the light is shed upon it, like a door with sunlight behind it opened on a dark and dusty shack, revealing some forgotten treasure hidden within.
That treasure is hope. It is hard for us to do His will when life is not going so well. When we are challenged every day to the point of wanting to fall over (and sometimes giving in). It is a hard thing that the wounded are still commanded to fight. But God is not cruel, He simply sees everything, whereas we do not. God sees the other end of this thing, even beyond the particular hard time we are going through, and He tells us it is good. He looks beyond the storm in which you are casting seeds in the mud, and He tells you that one day you will leap with joy through these same fields when they are overripe with abundance.
So what does this mean to those of us who can't farm? People. People are watching you. They are watching to see how you handle the good times and the bad. I submit to you that hard times allow for better planting in them, like the storm that softens the soil. The bad times require more reliance on God, and that is the visible thing that God can use to save souls. Thus we will rejoice one day, though we do not see it now, when the fruit of our labors are revealed to enjoy.
And so it is with this hope in mind that I say this:

Well, O My Tears, if you will not leave me, then you will water the seeds.

A Short Word on Invisible Fruit

2008-05-26T23:20:00.007-05:00

1 Corinthians 15:58 - "Therefore, my beloved brothers, be steadfast, immovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, knowing that in the Lord your labor is not in vain."

Galatians 6:9 - "And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up."

Many, and I would venture to say all of you who read this will at some point in your life encounter a time where you feel as though your work bears no spiritual fruit. You make real effort to evangelize, only to face indifference. You toil in youth ministry only to see kids become more bored. You preach every day, begging a flock to see how God is better than what they are living for, yet they only check their watches. This is a very hard time.

But be not discouraged, brothers and sisters. For God has ordained that some be sowers and others be harvesters, and all of us both at different times. You could spend your entire life sacrificing everything to evangelism, and yet not see a single soul come to know Christ, and your work would not be in vain. You are sowing. When you do see someone come to know Him, you are often harvesting that which others have sown in the past and saw no fruit.

And so we might draw some bit of encouragement from the fact that our work is not in vain. Though we may see no fruit in something we are lead to do, God will not hold back His reward from you, for only He is able to see the full measure of effect which our obedience has on the world.

To Love My Enemy

2008-02-14T23:24:00.003-06:00

A little while ago the New York Giants, who were the lowest rated team in the playoffs, having barely made a wild-card spot, faced and beat the New England Patriots, who were speculated by some to be the best team in NFL history. The Giants won in a upset of epic proportions.
I was in attendance at our church's youth Super Bowl Party to witness this spectacular event, and at half-time one of my best friends, Jared, gave a message about doing all to the glory of God. He mentioned a 60 Minutes interview with Tom Brady in which he stated that in spite of his astounding success, he did not feel satisfied.
Now the Patriots had, throughout the season, cheated, played dirty, taunted other teams, and generally conducted themselves in rather arrogant manners. Even ESPN called their coach, Bill Belichick, the "evil" coach in their coverage of the Colts/Patriots game (which they called good vs. evil). As a result of their attitudes, I despised them as a team. I made many jokes about them, referring to Brady and Belichick as Darth Vader and Emperor Palpatine. When the Colts defeated the Patriots last year, I said to the crowd I was with: "And when the game is over, Manning will throw the ring into Mount Doom and Belichick will be destroyed!"

Everyone laughed. Everyone agreed.

But then God began moving in me, and here is what He showed me.
Tom Brady has spent his entire life pursuing and acquiring the things of this world that will not last, realizing somewhere that these things do not fulfill but being at a loss as to what does, and is well on his way to suffering Hell and eternal wrath, and instead of my heart utterly breaking for him, I instead make a joke out of his wickedness.

I have laughed at his depravity. And I am greatly ashamed. Now my heart breaks.

Of course he is a jerk! Of course he is arrogant! Of course he can be dishonest! He does not have Christ, and that is the only difference between me and this man I have despised. I have been rescued and he is still drowning, and I stand on the shore and mock him as he takes his last breaths. Of course he is my enemy and God's, and I am not loving my enemy.

Now if your child were to contract cancer, you would not rejoice. They are your child, and you love them dearly. Indeed, would you not cry out to God with many tears that He heal them? This is why Proverbs 24:17-18 says that we should not rejoice when our enemy falls, and that God will turn His wrath on us if we do. Loving does not simply mean abstaining from the celebration of their downfall, but actively and passionately praying and interceding on their behalf against God's vengeance on them... and we must pray this with much the same fervor, brokenness, and determination as a parent would against a cancerous disease in their child. That is loving your enemy.

Matthew 5:44, Proverbs 2:17-18, Romans 12:19-21

The Unpleasant Things That Money Reveals

2008-01-08T01:33:00.001-06:00

Psalm 112:1,7 - "...Blessed is the man who fears the Lord... He is not afraid of bad news; his heart is firm, trusting in the Lord."

I often desire a better financial situation. God does not currently have my wife and I in a very fiscally prominent place, and that has often been a fact that has frustrated me and at times even scared me. It has been like this for the past year and a half, and it has taken several miraculous events in order for us to simply pay our bills. Just to get by. Paycheck to paycheck. Examining virtually every dollar we spend. Constantly wishing we did not have this burden.

But I am afraid my frustration has betrayed an unpleasant fact. I still put my trust in money. The very fact that I am often frustrated reveals discontent with God's will for us. The fact that I am occasionally scared because of money problems reveals that my peace is not in Him. If I trusted Him, my heart would be firm.

So I am forced to ask myself a question: If I were indeed given a better financial situation, would I continue to grow in my trust in Him? At the moment, I am forced by circumstances to appeal to Him, to chase after Him, to learn to trust Him alone. If we lost a car, we could not afford to replace it. However if I made six-digits a year, it would be easy to replace a car, and therefore I would not find myself on my knees before God, trusting Him for the solution. I am not saying that the rich cannot trust God as much as the poor (though the Bible implies this is the case most of the time); I am only saying I am not yet strong enough to trust solely in God when there is something else that provides the illusion of safety (aka money). So the incredibly difficult question I must ask myself is this: Given the choice between a much better financial situation and being poor but closer to God for it, could I have the strength or desire to choose to be poor? Do I trust in Him enough to find my safety in Him no matter what my financial situation looks like? If I am honest enough with myself, I'm afraid the answer reveals much.

This leads me to ask another hard question: what is money to me anyway, and what is my heart regarding it? I will confess to you all that it is too often a means to my own selfish desires: to buy things I want, to eat out whenever I want, to buy more expensive clothing, software, instruments, to provide safety for me and my family (safety regarding bills and debt... hence the frustration and stress when money is low: I do not feel safe). And thus I come to the problem I must face: that I find my safety in money and not in Him. Not only that, but whatever is left over on top of this illusion of safety, I tend to use toward selfish means. My perspective on money is far from healthy. I must learn to view my money as this and only this: as a means to glorify God. Perhaps I do not have more money than I do not because I would not use it for His glory.

But this is why the heart of the righteous can be firm and trust in Him: because when we realize that money is solely for His glory, then we realize that He blesses us with exactly the amount of money we need to glorify Him in His plan for us... not a penny more, not a penny less. We may not always have money, but we will always have what we need to glorify Him.

A Brief Thought on Sex and the Golden Compass

2007-12-27T18:32:00.000-06:00

In an interview for Atlantic Monthly, Philip Pullman, author of the Golden Compass, told Hannah Rosin regarding sex and the alleged Christian repression thereof:

"Why the Christian Church has spent 2,000 years condemning this glorious moment, well, that's a mystery. I want to confront that, I suppose, by telling a story that the so-called original sin is anything but. It's the thing that makes us fully human."

I do indeed agree that sex is a glorious moment, something that God designed for our pleasure and worship of Him, and is indeed full of Him. However, the idea that we ought to be completely sexually "free" in the sense of being able to follow our every sexual instinct, does not make us more fully human. Indeed, it makes us more fully animal.

Journaling and Despair

2007-11-27T22:10:00.001-06:00

As I thumbed through old journal entries, I came across a time in my life where I was tempted very badly to despair about certain things in my life... one of those things being my life in general. God taught me many things in that time of my life, and I was able to overcome it through His grace on me. Reading this over again has lead me to two thoughts:

1.) Journaling is a profound tool. If I were honest with you, I would say to you that I had completely forgotten about this time in my life. This is not nearly so tragic as the fact that I had also forgotten what God had shown me in that time. Remembering as I read those entries again encourages me and gives me strength. Journaling is not important so that we have some record of our actions in life, but so that we do not forget God's actions in our lives.

2.) Despairing is putting your trust somewhere it should not be. If a general surrenders, it is because he has recognized that he cannot win the battle, and so he surrenders. He is trusting in his enemy's power to defeat him. My friends, this should not be so with the children of Christ. If we despair, we trust in the enemy's power and give up. However, even if we give up, we will still learn our lesson, for the enemy is incapable of true victory even then (as Christ has already won), but then we will have missed all the opportunities God created in that seemingly hopeless situation. If we trust in Him when a situation appears hopeless, He can then use us in ways we cannot then conceive because of what we see and feel.

Finally, in re-reading these, I realized that I need to journal more completely. Simplistic paraphrases do not accurately or fully convey my thoughts or feelings, or what God was doing in my life. They simply will not do. This in and of itself will be a battle against laziness which, I am sure, I will have to journal about. Sometimes God is humorously ironic.

Dreams, Vision, and Connecting the Dots

2007-10-17T21:20:00.001-05:00

Proverbs 16:9 - "The heart of a man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps."

Proverbs 20:24 - "A man's steps are from the Lord; how then can a man understand his way?"

I have big dreams... dreams and desires I believe God put into my heart. I believe He has put them there as a vision I am supposed to pursue someday and prepare for now. However now is not the time to pursue my dreams, and this often causes restlessness within my heart. I desire very greatly to go now. Indeed, before God worked greatly upon my impatient heart, the thought of working a mundane job, living in Memphis, and serving in my local church depressed me. I wanted to move on so greatly that I could not truly want what God has for me here and now.

I think this is a classic example of why God often does not inform us of our calling or His will until it happens and we're there. Because I believe God has told me some of my calling in life, I often struggle greatly with doing anything else until I am allowed to pursue it. My impatient, matter-of-fact mind views these sorts of things as detours that hinder me from reaching my destination.

But life is like a game of connect-the-dots. God does not tell us about Point #54 because we would probably attempt to go straight to that point. He wants us to go in order from dot to dot, and in doing so, we create the much bigger and more beautiful picture that He has in mind for our lives. Just consider it! If we got what we wanted right now, our life would merely be a straight line.

No, God has a much bigger plan for us than getting what we want when we want it... even if it's something to serve Him.

So why am I here right now? I don't know, but I am thankful I am. What lives will I impact at my job? What difference will I make in church? What does God still have to teach me before I live my dreams? What part do I have yet to play in my friends' lives before I leave some of them? What part of me is not ready to face my dreams... that if not prepared first and in due time, would destroy those dreams?
When I think about all that, I realize that my life is more exciting than I'd realized or imagined. He is going to teach me great things. He is going to change me in great ways. He is going to use me in ways I can't yet imagine. And there are countless other reasons I simply cannot see.

We all long for the adventure of chasing our dreams, but we fail to realize that the adventure has already started. And if we could see the big picture that our life is creating, with all its stops and detours, I imagine we would not have it any other way.

An Unpleasant Realization

2007-10-15T11:44:00.000-05:00

This was taken from my journal:

"I now recognize (though my flesh still oppose it) this: that if I am in the Word daily, not just reading, but absorbing and applying, then I am stronger. Likewise, if I am not in the Word in such a way, I will find myself in more sin.
I do not wish it to be so, for I do not always like or enjoy reading the Word, and at these times it is even harder to take the Word to heart. This is because my own selfish desires still hold a place of power in my soul.
And it is a difficult mountain to overcome when the method by which one conquers selfish desire is by doing the very thing that desire opposes. Thus, by spending time in the Word and meditating on it, even when I do not want to, I begin to usurp the thrown of selfishness and allow God to take His rightful place as ruler over my being and my desires."