Of Tears and Scripture

Below is a blog I posted long ago on MySpace, but was reminded of it recently, as it seems to be extremely appropriate considering the last few days in my life, and some of its truth speaks to me out of the past even now as I re-read it.

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God pulled me into a journey this week, and I have to admit it was not one of those times where I was excited about what He was doing. It was challenging, it was hard, and it drained me more than I realized. But then He brought me to this passage:

Psalm 126:5-6 - "May those who sow in tears reap with shouts of joy! He that goes forth weeping, bearing the seed for sowing, shall come home with shouts of joy, bringing his sheaves with him."

What does this mean? I had read this passage before and honestly didn't absorb it too much. But now the light is shed upon it, like a door with sunlight behind it opened on a dark and dusty shack, revealing some forgotten treasure hidden within.
That treasure is hope. It is hard for us to do His will when life is not going so well. When we are challenged every day to the point of wanting to fall over (and sometimes giving in). It is a hard thing that the wounded are still commanded to fight. But God is not cruel, He simply sees everything, whereas we do not. God sees the other end of this thing, even beyond the particular hard time we are going through, and He tells us it is good. He looks beyond the storm in which you are casting seeds in the mud, and He tells you that one day you will leap with joy through these same fields when they are overripe with abundance.
So what does this mean to those of us who can't farm? People. People are watching you. They are watching to see how you handle the good times and the bad. I submit to you that hard times allow for better planting in them, like the storm that softens the soil. The bad times require more reliance on God, and that is the visible thing that God can use to save souls. Thus we will rejoice one day, though we do not see it now, when the fruit of our labors are revealed to enjoy.
And so it is with this hope in mind that I say this:

Well, O My Tears, if you will not leave me, then you will water the seeds.

To Love My Enemy

A little while ago the New York Giants, who were the lowest rated team in the playoffs, having barely made a wild-card spot, faced and beat the New England Patriots, who were speculated by some to be the best team in NFL history. The Giants won in a upset of epic proportions.
I was in attendance at our church's youth Super Bowl Party to witness this spectacular event, and at half-time one of my best friends, Jared, gave a message about doing all to the glory of God. He mentioned a 60 Minutes interview with Tom Brady in which he stated that in spite of his astounding success, he did not feel satisfied.
Now the Patriots had, throughout the season, cheated, played dirty, taunted other teams, and generally conducted themselves in rather arrogant manners. Even ESPN called their coach, Bill Belichick, the "evil" coach in their coverage of the Colts/Patriots game (which they called good vs. evil). As a result of their attitudes, I despised them as a team. I made many jokes about them, referring to Brady and Belichick as Darth Vader and Emperor Palpatine. When the Colts defeated the Patriots last year, I said to the crowd I was with: "And when the game is over, Manning will throw the ring into Mount Doom and Belichick will be destroyed!"

Everyone laughed. Everyone agreed.

But then God began moving in me, and here is what He showed me.
Tom Brady has spent his entire life pursuing and acquiring the things of this world that will not last, realizing somewhere that these things do not fulfill but being at a loss as to what does, and is well on his way to suffering Hell and eternal wrath, and instead of my heart utterly breaking for him, I instead make a joke out of his wickedness.

I have laughed at his depravity. And I am greatly ashamed. Now my heart breaks.

Of course he is a jerk! Of course he is arrogant! Of course he can be dishonest! He does not have Christ, and that is the only difference between me and this man I have despised. I have been rescued and he is still drowning, and I stand on the shore and mock him as he takes his last breaths. Of course he is my enemy and God's, and I am not loving my enemy.

Now if your child were to contract cancer, you would not rejoice. They are your child, and you love them dearly. Indeed, would you not cry out to God with many tears that He heal them? This is why Proverbs 24:17-18 says that we should not rejoice when our enemy falls, and that God will turn His wrath on us if we do. Loving does not simply mean abstaining from the celebration of their downfall, but actively and passionately praying and interceding on their behalf against God's vengeance on them... and we must pray this with much the same fervor, brokenness, and determination as a parent would against a cancerous disease in their child. That is loving your enemy.



Matthew 5:44, Proverbs 2:17-18, Romans 12:19-21

The Unpleasant Things That Money Reveals

Psalm 112:1,7 - "...Blessed is the man who fears the Lord... He is not afraid of bad news; his heart is firm, trusting in the Lord."

I often desire a better financial situation. God does not currently have my wife and I in a very fiscally prominent place, and that has often been a fact that has frustrated me and at times even scared me. It has been like this for the past year and a half, and it has taken several miraculous events in order for us to simply pay our bills. Just to get by. Paycheck to paycheck. Examining virtually every dollar we spend. Constantly wishing we did not have this burden.

But I am afraid my frustration has betrayed an unpleasant fact. I still put my trust in money. The very fact that I am often frustrated reveals discontent with God's will for us. The fact that I am occasionally scared because of money problems reveals that my peace is not in Him. If I trusted Him, my heart would be firm.

So I am forced to ask myself a question: If I were indeed given a better financial situation, would I continue to grow in my trust in Him? At the moment, I am forced by circumstances to appeal to Him, to chase after Him, to learn to trust Him alone. If we lost a car, we could not afford to replace it. However if I made six-digits a year, it would be easy to replace a car, and therefore I would not find myself on my knees before God, trusting Him for the solution. I am not saying that the rich cannot trust God as much as the poor (though the Bible implies this is the case most of the time); I am only saying I am not yet strong enough to trust solely in God when there is something else that provides the illusion of safety (aka money). So the incredibly difficult question I must ask myself is this: Given the choice between a much better financial situation and being poor but closer to God for it, could I have the strength or desire to choose to be poor? Do I trust in Him enough to find my safety in Him no matter what my financial situation looks like? If I am honest enough with myself, I'm afraid the answer reveals much.

This leads me to ask another hard question: what is money to me anyway, and what is my heart regarding it? I will confess to you all that it is too often a means to my own selfish desires: to buy things I want, to eat out whenever I want, to buy more expensive clothing, software, instruments, to provide safety for me and my family (safety regarding bills and debt... hence the frustration and stress when money is low: I do not feel safe). And thus I come to the problem I must face: that I find my safety in money and not in Him. Not only that, but whatever is left over on top of this illusion of safety, I tend to use toward selfish means. My perspective on money is far from healthy. I must learn to view my money as this and only this: as a means to glorify God. Perhaps I do not have more money than I do not because I would not use it for His glory.

But this is why the heart of the righteous can be firm and trust in Him: because when we realize that money is solely for His glory, then we realize that He blesses us with exactly the amount of money we need to glorify Him in His plan for us... not a penny more, not a penny less. We may not always have money, but we will always have what we need to glorify Him.

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Dreams, Vision, and Connecting the Dots

Proverbs 16:9 - "The heart of a man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps."

Proverbs 20:24 - "A man's steps are from the Lord; how then can a man understand his way?"


I have big dreams... dreams and desires I believe God put into my heart. I believe He has put them there as a vision I am supposed to pursue someday and prepare for now. However now is not the time to pursue my dreams, and this often causes restlessness within my heart. I desire very greatly to go now. Indeed, before God worked greatly upon my impatient heart, the thought of working a mundane job, living in Memphis, and serving in my local church depressed me. I wanted to move on so greatly that I could not truly want what God has for me here and now.

I think this is a classic example of why God often does not inform us of our calling or His will until it happens and we're there. Because I believe God has told me some of my calling in life, I often struggle greatly with doing anything else until I am allowed to pursue it. My impatient, matter-of-fact mind views these sorts of things as detours that hinder me from reaching my destination.

But life is like a game of connect-the-dots. God does not tell us about Point #54 because we would probably attempt to go straight to that point. He wants us to go in order from dot to dot, and in doing so, we create the much bigger and more beautiful picture that He has in mind for our lives. Just consider it! If we got what we wanted right now, our life would merely be a straight line.

No, God has a much bigger plan for us than getting what we want when we want it... even if it's something to serve Him.

So why am I here right now? I don't know, but I am thankful I am. What lives will I impact at my job? What difference will I make in church? What does God still have to teach me before I live my dreams? What part do I have yet to play in my friends' lives before I leave some of them? What part of me is not ready to face my dreams... that if not prepared first and in due time, would destroy those dreams?
When I think about all that, I realize that my life is more exciting than I'd realized or imagined. He is going to teach me great things. He is going to change me in great ways. He is going to use me in ways I can't yet imagine. And there are countless other reasons I simply cannot see.

We all long for the adventure of chasing our dreams, but we fail to realize that the adventure has already started. And if we could see the big picture that our life is creating, with all its stops and detours, I imagine we would not have it any other way.

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An Unpleasant Realization

This was taken from my journal:

"I now recognize (though my flesh still oppose it) this: that if I am in the Word daily, not just reading, but absorbing and applying, then I am stronger. Likewise, if I am not in the Word in such a way, I will find myself in more sin.
I do not wish it to be so, for I do not always like or enjoy reading the Word, and at these times it is even harder to take the Word to heart. This is because my own selfish desires still hold a place of power in my soul.
And it is a difficult mountain to overcome when the method by which one conquers selfish desire is by doing the very thing that desire opposes. Thus, by spending time in the Word and meditating on it, even when I do not want to, I begin to usurp the thrown of selfishness and allow God to take His rightful place as ruler over my being and my desires."